Missing Dad

Typically in April, my sisters, brother and I would try to be together to celebrate the anniversary of my dad’s death and his birthday, which are both in April. He died suddenly in 2014, breaking many hearts and leaving a gaping hole in our family.

For the first 2 years after his death, this time of year typically turned into a cry-fest, fueled by Tito’s, Bud Light and Chardonnay plus sad music from the Dixie Chicks, Luke Bryan with a touch of my dad’s favorite Motown songs. My family always tries to be positive, but during this time we allowed ourselves to truly mourn and lean on each other to express our deep sadness. It was the only way we could have survived this devastating time.

Now, 10 years later, we are still sad and I am confident that I am not the only person who thinks of him everyday. I miss him and want to tell him about his beautiful, smart grandkids, the trials and successes in my job and get his advice about investments and taxes. I want to hear him say “Heather, just do the math. It’s simple” whenever I had a problem. I want to hear his often repeated stories of the big lifeguard rescue or when he worked with Bill Bradley on his senate and presidential campaigns. I rolled my eyes a lot during the 100th time I heard these stories, but I would give anything in the world to hear him tell these again.

This year, I still plan to celebrate my dad’s life with some of my most favorite people: my three sisters and brother, who are all strong, funny, compassionate and brilliant. We will celebrate through video conferencing or face to face. I am guessing that we will still have some tears, sad music and toasts with our Tito’s & Club, Bud Light Lime or Chardonnay. But, with each passing year, I am sure the tears will lessen and give way to laughter and happy stories of my dad’s wonderful life.